About

This is the web site of Milton Marmalade, believer in six impossible things before breakfast, author of stories of varying degrees of silliness, dubious dabbler in things he knows a little bit about and multifarious mental magpie.

For updates and Milton Marmalade's ramblings see the blog page.

Now available! Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups.

Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups cover image
Cover and spine for Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups


Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups is a slim volume of strange tales which struggle with universal questions like the meaning of now, infinity, and why Wolf fell in love with Redcap. The girl who was not a vampire explores the problem and triumph of being ordinary. Chocolatina is a satire on the odd puritanism that informs some New Age thinking and at the same time a paean in praise of chocolate. Milton Marmalade has also sneaked in a few poems, mostly silly and one just a little bit erotic (not enough to make you spurt your takeaway coffee in public). In a deliberate protest against the decayed mores of the age, the poems rhyme. A literary tapas time for curly minds everywhere. Illustrated by Martin Dace. Amazon.com link here.



Milton Marmalade's novel, A Mermaid in the Bath, is a humorous novel with adventure, love, mermaids and some genuine philosophical thoughts as painlessly presented as the chocolate fish in a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

For more about the book, see below. Chapter 1 is available here and also on Amazon where Look Inside is enabled.

Love, mermaids and altered consciousness: a philosophical novel with some jokes


A mermaid turns up in your bath, without explanation or warning—what do you do? It's almost as disruptive as the search for Truth or (worse) finding it. To complicate matters further, Lionel falls in love with her just before she disappears into the clutches of the evil Dr Squidtentacles.

A Mermaid in the Bath cover illustration

This is a ripping yarn with some very slow car chases involving a Morris Minor and a slow ping-pong duel Matrix-style, not to mention (but I will anyway) a Greek chorus of Cornish villagers, an atomic submarine and a description of the mythical St Doris Island and what took place there in the reign of Queen Elizabeth I.

Between chapters of adventure not a lot more absurd than real life are philosophical ponderings by Professor Neville Twistytrouser of St Doris College, Oxford together with testy rebuttals by Professor Alphonse Pince-Nez of the department of Saltimbanques de Mer at the Sorbonne, not to mention (but I have, haven't I?) the fully justified complaints of Milton Marmalade's exotic Welsh secretary, Myfanwy.

Milton Marmalade's novel A Mermaid in the Bath is available now. Go to my Amazon Links page to purchase outside the UK.

'Destined to become a cult classic.'

Milton Marmalade—'An idiot at the height of his powers.'

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